um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
