My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
