Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
