i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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