So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My friends, they love my intelligence
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
babies were throwing up all over the place
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Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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