BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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