im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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