she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
