I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
