i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
