You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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