uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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