I feel like abortions should bother me more
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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