Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
