What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
