Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
