we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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