They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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