Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
