somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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