Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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