she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
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Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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