I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Found your dick twin last night
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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