shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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