rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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