What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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