i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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