dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
