respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
