Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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