what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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