my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
