No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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