I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
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The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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