saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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