you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
