I skipped work to stalk him.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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