sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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