she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
