How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My dad just said "fuck circus"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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