Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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