Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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