first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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