Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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