He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
