ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
