i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
