I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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