I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
