In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize