We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We are two peas in an std pod
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After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
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mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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