I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
