True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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