i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
