youre lurking in front of me
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
