maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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