dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
