Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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