mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
