i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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