I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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