So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
