At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
What a dumb baby whore.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
