ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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