He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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