Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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