Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
