it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
