I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
