lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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