Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
