i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
