I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Too much gin, very little bucket
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
