I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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