Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
