I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Randomize
