do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
