Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
