I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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